Uh, hi… I guess.
Obviously, I suck at introductions – or beginnings of any sort really. I’m not sure if I have always been this awkward, and was either just unaware, or didn’t care, or if I am actually getting more awkward as I get older. Like that one time I actually found enough sack to ask out that gorgeous stranger. Yeah, remember that one? Heh, classic…
Better start drinking now if you wanna sleep tonight!
But I digress… Let’s try this again, shall we? Hello internet! Welcome to, well, my blog! The only blog on the internet without much direction or focus, that is written by… me. I am really selling the shit out of this aren’t I? But, who am I? Well, this is me (technically):
Mm, yes, embrace the cringe.
Yes. I know. The photo is objectively terrible. From the silly high-schooler who just started learning Photoshop art-filter, to the try-hard super-cool-guy pose, to the forced contemplative/overly-serious expression, pointedly avoiding the camera. In my defense, this is me in high school, or shortly thereafter. So 10+ years ago. Why am I using this old ass picture of myself? Well, there are many reasons. Primarily, I would like to keep my internet presence somewhat anonymous. Oh, I don’t care if people close to me know that I’m writing this. If I did, I wouldn’t use a photo of myself at all. However, I fully intend to say things here that will probably prove to be controversial, and could even get me fired, if I didn’t try to mask my identity a little. Of course, this is assuming that I ever get more than one reader (Hi mom!). If I’m honest with myself, I also chose this picture because, and I’m ashamed to admit it, I think this is definitely the coolest picture of me that exists. Even worse, I’m 29 now, a husband, and a father. I think I may be having a sort of quarter-life crisis. Wait a minute – “Quarter-life” assumes I live til I’m 120, but 90 is far more likely.
Mother of God…
This is a one-third-life crisis. Fuck. Anyone know how to make futile attempts to reclaim your youth as a millennial with a family and little-to-no disposable income? Leave suggestions in the comments please.
Once again, I digress. Let’s talk about what this is, or, at least, what I want it to be. First and foremost I am using this as an expressive outlet. That’s why I won’t be too bothered if (most likely) no one ever read this. Don’t get me wrong, I would love it if I one day had an actual audience. So I’m going to try to put out entertaining content with the hope that one day I actually get me one of those bad boys (Gender isn’t important. Relax it’s an expression). Beyond that, I want to improve my writing, and I want to have fun while doing it. Gaining an actual readership would simply be icing. Not to mention, I could start receiving some constructive feedback. The internet is great for that sort of thing right? Right?
So, I have a lot of opinions. In fact, I may actually have ALL of the opinions. I think they call that being, “opinionated” or, an “asshole.” Unsurprisingly, being as “opinionated” as I am, and introverted, and awkward, and a dad, and husband, and all that other old-guy shit I am, I seem to have lost touch with, or driven away, most of my friends. So you could look at this as a sort of crisis intervention, so I can shove my opinions into the depth-less void of the internet, and stop shoving them down my poor wife’s throat. Sorry babe! You’re a trooper. And no that wasn’t a sexual thing. Unless you want it to be. Never mind. We’ll talk later.
I don’t just want this to be some opinionated commentary on current events. Everyone is already inundated with plenty of that. Don’t get me wrong, it will be that, no doubt. But, I plan to include other things – such as links to interesting, entertaining, or useful shit I’ve found plundering the internet wastes. Maybe advice pieces about things I feel qualified to talk about in spite of not being qualified at all. I’ve considered streaming the few hours that I get to play the video games I so enjoy.
So while I may not be able to provide you with a focus to what I want to give you, I’m hoping that this weird grab-bag that you get is at least entertaining. If you are reading this post, and you are not obligated to because we’re married or was birthed by you (sorry mom) – THANK YOU. It means a lot to me that even one person took the time to check this out.
Let me know what you like, don’t like, or in which bodily orifice I should shove my keyboard.
Stay safe internet.
~ Crash π
